watch

If I could only get inside my arms,
I’d begin there, or in the soles of feet
no longer shy, I’d have less to say
than the bellies of leaves
or the wonky flight
of bat silhouettes

I am not here to express to you
but invite you blindly into my pores

you can watch me with your eyes closed
if you like
and I will practice listening without ears
my jaw gone slacker than a baby asleep

when I try to dance
I try not to
try to be brave
not to be clever
not to push you away with
the skill of my skin
and the ways it has of appearing to
let you in
when it’s only blocking
- the light, the sound, the glare of your eyes.
it breaks my heart when my heart falls quiet
and everybody cries because the limbs have gone
clever

I like to see bodies who are not privy
to their own gestures

when the walls alone witness, affected blood
still swarms to the surface and inside I shrug
because I am older than a puppet
and younger than a God and
we all need something to do with our days
so why not watch the rising, falling waves of
our layers’ trying.

when I dance, I try to feel
what it might be like to be at once
inside
and also outside at sea
on the vast and widthless.